How much can one change?

I’ve heard the words “you’ve changed” so many times in the past year or so, I wonder the actualities of it. Have I changed that much??? I know I have gone through a lot of physical changes, in that going through braces was a general procedure, not that much of a difference, then came the surgery in July 2006, which changed my facial bone structure, having incisions to the top and bottom jaw. BUT did that change ME???

Dad said to his sister in America: “when she was ugly she had a kind heart, now that she’s beautiful she’s a bit of a snob” in Chinese. Seriously, am I THAT much of a snob now eh? I know my dad jokes around in a mean sense, but sometimes it causes me to dwell on the thinking of why and what, and THINK TOO MUCH.

I asked mum once, “am I THAT DIFFERENT???” she said “yeah, you’re not as nice as you were, you don’t do the dishes unconditionally no more, I missed the old you that did chores for me with no questions asked” also in Chinese. Hmmm then I think…do people just use me coz of my kind, kind nature (am I kind?).

Seriously if they knew it was gonna change me, would they have brought me to the dentist in the first place? What was the idea of fixing my jaw? What’s the idea of making me look all beautiful?

My brother went through the same process, having the same jaw operation and the same duration of braces, but thing is he has a retainer, and doesn’t bother to wear it, doesn’t bother to keep his jaw condition the new way. Instead he leaves it, doesn’t take care of it, and complains to the parents (mainly mum) why did you make me go through the process of this? Why did you make me have the surgery? He’s changed; he’s become more of an idiot, more of a person who doesn’t listen, more of an imbecile. A jaw surgery isn’t a cheap surgery, it costs a lot, many thousands, and he neglects it like THAT??? =.=”

I’m not like that, I am grateful that I look better. Just the change is contradicting my own thoughts, and any time I get complimented with “you are sexy/beautiful/lovely” by absolutely random people (on Myspace, gotta stop that addiction) I just can’t help but crack up and laugh, or something. I just don’t believe such words, coz I feel so negative about myself, such words just seem unbelievable. I’ll be amazed if anybody compliments my negativity- “Wendy your demented eyes are beautiful”, “your lope sided ears are my honour” MEH, I’m just making stuff up, it’ll never happen, or I would crack up as well, coz that is just so strange to say without cracking up personally.

Tomorrow I’m getting my braces off, that’ll mean I’ll look different again…more contradicting thoughts. I’m happy, and unhappy at the same time…not that I would really want braces for eternity. Just that I’ve had it for so long, without it would be quite strange. Will my teeth shift? Etc etc. The friends that have gone through it, have told me that it’ll feel like your teeth are gonna fall out when you first talk, I’m like WTH??? Getting worried, I gotta get up super early too for it, then have uni during the day, and then have to go back in the afternoon to get a retainer done.

I was looking at supermarket catalogues last night, and said to myself, once you get your braces off, the first thing you’re gonna buy is TOBLERONE. Wishful thinking is always good thinking.

Anyhoo, wish me luck, and my teeth don’t fall out :P
Cheers
Wendy