So here's what's wrong with me

So here's what's wrong with me

SO I reckon I have pretty bad luck when it comes to personal life VS academic life, or REALLY bad luck ALWAYS!!! Something ALWAYS pops up and stuffs the other one over.

Last semester, it was multiple family members having medical problems right in my mid-semester break, which basically made me feel mental and the need of seeing a counsellor, and having lots of emotional breakdowns. To which a car crash didn’t quite assist the emotional state then, to which I had to get special consideration for uni exams…which I stuffed up the deferred exams too.

Do you reckon I have an anxiety problem? Not really, I can relax and let my mind go, so I don’t believe my current condition is an anxiety problem.

So what happened this time with me, you say?!?! Again during my mid-semester break, it was MY turn to go to hospital and have health problem. Easter Saturday I got bitten by something that made my hand swell up, as well as multiple mosquitos swelling my arms up too, whilst @ Shoreham. Easter Sunday, hand went crazy and was like the size of a grapefruit, uncontrollable hand tremor began and sent to Rosebud Hospital, as it was accompanied with dizziness and headaches.

HATE HOSPITALS!!!! 6+ hours, sit in three different waiting rooms till having to see a doctor, and getting stung by more mosquitoes. Finally getting to the doctor, they stab my left hand with antibiotics, which DIDN’T get through to the vein, and hence stabbed again in my right arm. So received a big ass bruise in my left hand, and hand tremor in the right hand, so I felt REALLY disabled for the first couple of days after that.

Problem is that till today, exactly two weeks later… my Right Hand is still shaking, causing a lot of problems in my daily life. Making me feel totally useless at times, coz I am so used to helping others, having other people feed me and assist me, makes me feel like I’ve aged 50 years in two weeks. I am used to feeding the elderly because they are incapable to do it themselves, but for a 20 year old with a clear mental status, it really doesn’t do me much justice, and just makes me feel like a burden to people.

I reckon I also jinx myself too much. In hospital, the nurse had this massive 10cm needle and filling it up for another patient, then saying to me “you’ll be looked at next” to which my response was “…that’s not for me is it?…” just to kid around, but when it came to me, I had to have the exact treatment, but three of them 10cm needles!!! Then after a few days of the persistent tremor, thinking I have Parkinsons…then actually getting prescribed a tablet used for Parkinsons disease to ease the shaking…YES I’m getting scared alright!!!!

So back in Melbourne, I had to check up on a blood test result I got done before going away. Coming back and saying I need to get another blood sample coz I have a possible blood clot problem. The pathology nurse stabbed my good arm badly which left a long bruise on the inside of my left arm, size 10cm by 3cm, to which I’m constantly getting more bruises ontop of it. Reason being, YES I do have a blood problem, I bruise easily and need to see a haematology specialist @ Box Hill Hospital.

I asked the same doctor what he reckoned of my shaking hand, and he looked at it with a big question mark printed on his head…. and saying “wait and see, come back in a week if it’s still shaking”…so I go back the week after finishing my oral antibiotics, he says exactly the same thing. Prompting me to go see another doctor for another opinion.

The second doctor reckons the bite, the hand tremor and the blood clot problem are all separated problems. In my head, I’m already screaming “AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” So, because I’m still feeling dizzy, and that it could be related to the nervous system in my brain, I’m getting referred to a neurologist, but that ain’t till TWO F*N WEEKS LATER!!!!!!!!!!! Day after my mid-semester exam :S

And the second time I went to see the doctor again, was because I had cold symptoms that hadn’t gone away, coz I have a crap immune system, and none of that Codral, cold and flu, antihistimine, Phernegan stuff works on me. Apparently another problem arises, I have a virus, and didn’t get a prescription for that, but to only eat panadols, coz he had also started me on the Parkinsons tablet that was gonna make me pretty weak and all.

After getting the prescribed a Parkinsons tablet, I am freaking out inside, I go back to work to get the rest of the week off for feeling ill. I am basically in tears, thinking I have Parkinsons at age 20. The managers are all comforting me and took me to Box Hill Hospital for a third doctors opinion, which has since put me at ease a little more.

Maybe I am a nervous person, well WHO AIN’T!?!? You would be too, if you realise you can’t write and do all the things you used to do for fun (pool, bowling, eat, drive….). I can’t just suddenly train myself to be a left-hander, after 20 years of being a right-hander, it’s not easy AT ALL!!!!

All this is screwing up my academic side, coz I can’t write, I can’t do exams, and yes I might fail again. Asking my faculty whether I could get disability services, getting a NO response because it’s not an ongoing medical/psychological problem. I start my appeal on the lecturers and tutors to give me a chance to pass. I don’t want to fail again……

I just REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to wake up and have everything perfect again…but it’s not happening. I don’t want to be like this forever.

This Parkinsons tablet makes me feel worse. I actually shake more, and my other limbs are twitching or numb, I’ve lost feeling in my fingers, dry mouth, nauseous and delusional, I am seeing things even when my eyes are closed, and hearing chime noises…I think I’m going mad.

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR COMFORT AND SUPPORT.
Truly appreciated from the bottom of my heart.

Wendy